This is my own birth story. For every woman birth is a tumultuous event but I believe for a highly sensitive person it's even more profound. I hope other highly sensitive mothers can relate to the feelings I experienced and we can share this special moment together.
My ideal birth would have been at home in water. All possible in the Netherlands. I wanted to be in a familiar surrounding, a calm and beautiful place that gives me good energy. And I wanted for my baby to have a smooth transition into this world, to be welcomed into a gentle environment. A water birth seemed to be the best choice. The fact that my baby was still in breech position by 37 weeks shattered my dreams and I faced my worst nightmares. Hospital birth and possible c-section. Luckily I was given the opportunity to try a natural breech birth. Because of the stress I felt dealing with a hospital birth, in a sterile, cold environment, with people that believe machines more than human instinct, I hired a doula (Pascale Bonnet). A birth experienced woman assisting me during labor. Best decision ever.
When my first contractions came I wouldn't believe labor was starting as it was still 5 days to my predicted due date. Though, I had dreamed the night before that my son was born. My HSP instinct already knew better than my mind. It was the start of a 30 hour journey. Even though I had to go to the hospital eventually I had made up my mind that I wanted to stay home as long as possible. This worked very well for me. In the next hours the contractions started to come regularly but I could face them in the calmness of my home. My doula Pascale came and she would assist with massage and showed me a very effective breathing technique to face the pain. It was actually more moaning or humming like breathing. I was making a lot of sounds. I had a bath at home, I ate regularly (very important for HSPs) and just passed the time being comfortable. Pascale also did craniosacral therapy and other massage, which me and the baby responded to very well. At some point I longed for nature and we went for a walk in the forest. I was so happy I was not constrained in a hospital room. Getting fresh air and seeing nature gave me new energy.
After almost 24 hours of contractions I decided it was time to inform the hospital that I was in labor. As guessed they wanted me to come and check my progress. On the way to the hospital and also in the hospital I wore sunglasses to block out light. Being very sensitive to bright light this helped me a lot to stay in the "zone of birthing". When they checked me in the hospital I had already dilated to 7 cm. Great progress. I didn't like the atmosphere of the room I was given and my doula Pascale did a great job to make it more comfortable. She used essential oils and we blocked out all bright light and only had a small christmas light. Now the monitoring started. Me and the baby got connected to a monitor. I asked for a long cable to still be able to be upright. I was taking most contractions standing, doing circular hip movements I learned during pregnancy yoga. Standing on the ground helped me to feel in control and connected to the earth energies.
My progress started to slow down a bit, something I had expected given that I didn't feel too comfortable in my environment. As the doctors wanted to speed up the delivery they connected me to artificial oxytocin. I was against this but couldn't win against the doctor's view. The artificial oxytocin made the next hours absolute hell. The contractions were now coming so strong without any break. If it was up to me I would never want to have artificial oxytocin again. It took so much of my energy. When I was at my lowest point during these hours and wanted to die (honestly) I took the mother earth figure that I had made during my pregnancy and prayed to mother earth to give me energy. She did. My son was born not long after that.
Nonetheless there was still one and a half hours of pushing. I also think it took so long because they didn't allow me to push on all fours. Something that my body was telling me to do. I had to be in stirrups. The most unnatural position for giving birth. I just wish doctors would trust the instinct of mothers instead of trusting their devices.
Even though I hoped until the last moment that my son would turn, he did not. He came out bum first. Like a little muscle with his legs along his body. The pushing was very hard and the doctor even had to use their hands to get him out. I remember screaming at the doctor "Don't touch my baby" as I felt it wasn't right.
When I wrote my birth pan I had made up my mind to not have any pain medication. I didn't want my baby to be effected by it and also I did not want to be under drugs which influence I can't predict. Now I didn't know how this would work out. I guess as many HSPs I am very sensitive to pain. A visit to the dentist even just for dental cleaning is a torture. Still, I wanted to try. I wanted to see if my body can do it.
It could. During all those long hours, I didn't ask for pain medication. I experienced pain that I can't even describe. I wanted to die. I thought I reached a point of no energy and still I found somewhere inside the strength to carry on. Having endured a breech birth without pain medication makes me very proud. It gave me self-confidence. It showed me that mother nature designed us perfectly and no matter which difficulties we face in life we can overcome them.
The moment my son was born was incredible. I remember very vividly how my husband said "He's out". After all these hours of pain and anticipation, he was finally here. Born bum first. I couldn't wait to hold him.
He was briefly placed on my belly and my husband cut the cord but he was already taken away from us. He was very little (born with 2600g) and the birth was very stressful for him, he had a fairly low Apgar score and they took him into an incubator. I yelled at the doctor "Don't take my baby away". I was like a tiger roaring. My animalistic mother instinct was born. We soon found out that he's healthy and just needed a little help with breathing. He would be out of the incubator in no time. It still took 5 hours though until I could hold my son again. In that moment the joy of haven given birth vaginally to my healthy breech baby was overtaking everything but later I felt sadness that I couldn't bond straight away with my child.Remembering our special birth story still makes me very emotional. A little sad on on hand that we didn't have the home birth I so longed for but also very proud and happy that we had the best birth under the conditions we faced. Highly sensitive or not, giving birth connects women to mother nature. It brings up our deepest fears and strengths. It gives our life a new meaning.
My top tips for HSPs giving birth:
- familiar surroundings
- creating a cozy atmosphere in an unfamiliar surrounding
- blocking out bright lights and noise
- walking in nature
- preparing mentally and physically with yoga, meditation and Pilates
- eating regularly and healthy
- warm water (bath, shower etc.)
- massages and gentle touch to release pain
- limiting the people attending birth especially unfamiliar people
- making a birth plan and having someone else there who can enforce your wishes with the medical staff
- considering hiring a doula for mental and physical support
- believing your instincts
No comments:
Post a Comment